Feeling great!

I'm at work! Training a new hire, Tom. Super nice, smart, close to my age and a good sense of humor. Right now, he's in my chair, at my computer, doing my work :D. It doesn't get any better! 

I'm leaving work at 1100 to go to the Joint Forces Training Command Base to pick up race packets for tomorrow!! Excited for this one! It feels good to run these 5ks. I've done 3, so far- 2 with Natalia; 1 by myself with Joe as a spectator. I love the process- picking up packages, registering, preparing , gathering, running and finishing! I could never imagine loving anything more than running. I loved running in my 30s and I love it now. But, CrossFit has taken over! I LOVE IT. The best part of it is the coaches and the other athletes. There's something so special about these people! 

I had my 2nd full session with Chad Melton and I am so glad I made the decision to do the privates and even more happy that I chose Chad! He brought a notebook (one that was his, so cute) with our prior WO with results and the new WO plus homework for the days we aren't together! He gave me a band to work the upper body, as well. I'll give them back after our sessions :(. I don't think he means for me to keep them, lol. But, wow, my mind is beciming stronger and more stable in tandem with the body!!! Thank God!! It's what I had been praying for!!

1 MORE DOWN, 2 TO GO!

I am in the chair at Porter Ranch receiving my third to the last infusion of Herceptin! Dr. Glaspy is pleased with the changes he sees in me as I near the end; I've lost nearly 60 pounds since I first walked in here, I'm active and eating better. He said I looked good and asked how many hours a day I devote to exercise. I told him about Crossfit. He asked if I liked it and was happy that I said I did. 

I started one-on-one coaching sessions with Chad Melton, tonight (it is Tuesday, February 24). I was nervous to begin; afraid I wouldn't be able to do anything asked of me- but, it was a great session and I think Chad is, probably, feeling better about coaching me, too. It's a lot to ask of a young man- to take on the fitness of someone coming out of breast cancer treatment. It's a challenge for the most experienced physical therapist. But, I believe Chad is the right coach for me. I know I'm not the type of person he, normally, trains but I hope he is equally rewarded.

CrossFit 2nd Nature is becoming my salvation. An end to self destruction, fear and self-doubt. Thoughts of box jumps, BURPEES and squat press replace all those dark thoughts of ends and abandonment. The faces and voices of the coaches and athletes linger day after day squeezing out those thoughts that plagued me desperately. I have prayed to God and been answered.

3 more infusions!

Almost to the finish line!! Somewhere in the middle of the year-long ritual it became normal; another part of my new existence. But, sitting in the chair, still, can bring about dark thoughts. I do my best to push them aside but I notice a difference in my outlook on those days. For example, after my last infusion I went to CrossFit but it was difficult to not think of where I was an hour earlier. It's the only time CrossFit had not been able to completely distract me. 

As of yesterday I have lost 60 pounds since hearing the word "cancer"; 50 of them since finishing chemo. I thank God for this. It is imperative that I become lean    If I hope to have a long life. I need to be strong should I need to be independent. I pray before , during, and after every element of exercise. 

Right now I'm sitting in Doctors Express Santa Clarita - bladder issues. I haven't been drinking as much water as I should.

It's busy here today. All I can think of is getting an antibiotic and making a CrossFit class. 

Through CrossFit I conquer fear and stabilize my mind; the self-destruction and dark thoughts vaporize - if only I could be there all day every day.

I've lost my mind...or have I?

I blew up! Not screaming and ranting but very sternly (and perhaps a bit condescendingly ) made OUR points. IPC is being held captive with a gun to our head at the VA Los Angeles; new standards, new programs, no training, no grace period...I get the objective- get rid of the CA position and replace it with automation but that doesn't mean make us bleed while the new systems clunk around and prove to be nothing but SHIT!! We have to do our service to veterans while the powers that be screw around with the mail; dumping it into the "CMP" then claim "we're paperless!" Who cares when the system actually is making it more difficult for claims and mail to be processed correctly!! Oh what a cluster fuck! So, meanwhile , the CA is threatened with job security if he/she can't adapt and make silk out of this deformed, malfunctioning worm!! Representatives of CMP are here to "train" us on the use of CMP and to answer our questions. They couldn't answer mine other than to blame the veteran who submitted a claim - YES, they blamed the vet!, or to give a stock "we are doing what is contractually obligated" I called foul! When it was over I was teased for sounding like a replay of the courtroom scene from "A Few Good Men", I was told I would be hired for litigation, 2 people thought I was mean, I was thanked, and my assistant coach said she thought I was going to go at it and she was going to cover her head and not say a word! I guess the VSO was surprised that I would not take their garbage system and buy into their bullshit excuses for inefficiency. Will I be counseled? Reprimanded? Lose my job? I don't give a guck. I am the veteran that they are overlooking and I will serve myself and my brothers in arms with loyalty, honesty and excellence- if you are falling short of doing the same, at the VA, I will say it is so.