Final Post For BCNW

This is my final post for BCNW? as I begin a new post. 

Has the chapter on breast cancer ended? No, noone's chapter on breast cancer ends- even in death. So long as there is research and/or an ancestor of a breast cancer patient the chapter is never closed.

I posed a question, "now what?" and it's been answered; in every blog post & journal entry. The "now" in "now what?" has emerged. That's the answer- now. Do it now. Now is surgery, now is radiation, now is chemo, now is riding horses, now is hiking, now is working, now is exercise, now is praying, now is making amends, now is loving friends & family, now is forgiving, now is letting go, now is standing up, now is fighting back, now is living. 

My journey has shifted focus from breast cancer and treatment to living the best way I know how; nurturing the body, mind and spirit. 

Am I afraid cancer will return as my mother's did? Those thoughts creep in every now and then since my last infusion (April 2), but, I tell myself it's not my mother's cancer and I pray. I am not steeled against cancer, by any means. I don't want what might be to consume the 'now' of living. Of course, cancer will haunt me for the rest of my life but I must soldier on in a positive light lest I die from fear & negativity. It's the 'now' I choose.

The CrossFit Cure-All

Seriously, CrossFit Second Nature has saved me from myself. It's been a little over 4 months and the changes in my state of mind are positively enormous! There is a magic to CrossFit unlike anything I have ever known. I walked through the doors to CF2N like this: I was broken, mentally, spiritually & physically. I was afraid of everything-cancer left my body but fear remained. Joe turned his back on me and offered nothing during cancer treatment (and into today); no support, no love, no kindness-I was unsteady and insecure toward other people thinking everyone would reject me. My family was so far away and I never want to interrupt their lives-I missed the help & care I would have gotten if we lived closer. My daughter was 15 and I, only, wanted her to see that I was living and not dying. The VA was stressful and creating a divide in me between loyalty & self-preservation. The past year has been a battle between what was happening in my life & what I wished was happening in my life. Destructive behavior manifested. I am not exaggerating when I say that CF2N had healed many things and lit the path to many more. I am relearning confidence, positive self-esteem, team building, self-acceptance and letting love grow; to give & receive. It seems all this would be secondary to the physical fitness but for me, it has been primary. My physical state is the best it's been in 20 years!!!! I am giddy with delight in regards to my physical state! Today, I was coached to handstands during the WOD! Last week I completed 81 box jumps! I can lift more than my body weight in a deadlift! Chad had me sprinting-yes! Sprinting!!! And jumping rope, and doing BURPEES, push-ups, and much more!! I am thinning and becoming lean, agile and strong.  How does all that happen? It's the magical combination of hard, physical work, the act of being humbled, being surrounded by people who care, being taught & nurtured by people who have travelled a similar journey and reaching for goals (seen & unseen) with people reaching for themselves as well as for you!