More info from another doctor

Last Thursday I arrived at oncology Porter Ranch for my infusion and was told Dr. Glaspy was not in but, he had a stand-in; Dr. Berkowitz. Very nice and easy to talk to. He engaged me in conversation for as long as I had something to say - I love him! Lol. We talked about my hair; what I have now is baby hair. New hair - more course and thick- is coming but, I'm still early on all of this, he yells me. I told him I was jogging and we talked about compression clothing and shoes :) I told him that it was so difficult at first but, that I was doing much better and my fatigue and joint pain is lessening. He confirmed that this type of exercise is the best defense for me. He, also, confirmed that this Cancer isn't coming back! Then, he asked who didy surgery....he knows Dr. Schmit! We talked about him for a while, too! That made me so happy that he knows him as well as he does and they refer patients to each other. He suggested acupuncture for the hot flashes and mood swings if they become unmanageable. I like that! 

I've been hiking and jogging every chance I get. I'm getting stronger every day! Today, I jogged without my knee compression bands and it was fine! My best run to date, in fact!

I think the nails that are going to fall off have done so and today I had acrylics put on at Ocean nail salon in Stevenson Ranch. Kim did a WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL job!!! 

My Saturn is, finally, on the road!!! Joe did all the things to finish getting it road ready after the mechanic was done with it. Then, took it over and replaced two of the tires. :) that was very nice of him! Things between us are very good right now and I am enjoying it while it is so.

I'm applying for a promotion job at the VA- I must be crazy.

I'm thinking about switching schools to finish my masters. The last instructor was so horrible I want to not go back to Ashford. 

I'm hoping I can return to work full time after Christmas.

Stronger

The jogging is going well. Every day I don't work I can get about 4.9 miles in. Some days are harder than others but it's usually because I started too late in the day or didn't get enough sleep. I bought long pants and compression shirt for the cool weather. I feel like I jiggle too much in these pants, though. 

I am adding hiking to my exercise routine.    Nat and I hiked the Towsley Canyon (one of the trails) while I was in chemo and it was slow going but it's a little easier now. 

Lenny went with me on Veterans Day. I haven't been treated so kindly in years. He helped me up the rough spots and when I stopped to catch my breath he told me he had to catch his, too-he didn't but he was being encouraging. He was concerned that I was walking too close to the edge as we came down. Nice conversation - NORMAL conversation! I have not had a normal, pleasant conversation in years. I don't expect Lenny to know how much these things he does mean to me but, they mean so much. Kindness and caring- the cornerstones to recovery. 

Natalia and I hiked the following day after work/school and we nearly made it to the top but the sun was setting so we came down. It turned dark before we were half-way down and I slid down on my ass in a couple places but, when we could, we hugged each other as we walked. When we couldn't hug, we held hands. She was scared and she knew I would protect her and get her to the car safely. I'll cherish that memory forever - both hiking memories.

Yesterday, before my jog, I tried to have a conversation with Joe and it went south quickly. Then, it turned ugly as he said he couldn't be affectionate because of my fat; he doesn't know how to be with someone fat. And it didn't get better after that. I don't know why I try. I hate living like this. We can't talk like normal people. I went jogging after our discussion and came home and cleared some vines from the side fence. Still upset, I walked to Towsley Canyon and walked a different trail. I cried most of the two miles up. So much ending in my life. Moving into another stage and it makes me sad. Joe has made me very sad. My hair isn't growing back fast enough. My nails falling off makes me sad. My life makes me sad and so, I cried. I cried uncontrollably at one point but I kept moving. At the turn-around I stopped crying. I came home and showered and went to bed. The depression is challenging right now and I don't know what to do. I start therapy at some point but I don't remember the date. 

I want this to all be a memory, already- all of it.