AFTER SURGERY

AFTER SURGERY

 

It is the day after surgery (Lumpectomy with wire localization and Breast Sentinel lymph node) and I am typing on the computer! I feel pretty good. I was feeling good right after surgery. When I woke from anesthesia I was a little tearful and the nurse asked if I wanted company - my church family came first! It was such a sight; one at a time three of my church family came back and with each one the fog lifted a little more. Natalia came in first from family and then Adam and Steve and Joe. Adam went and had prescriptions filled there in the hospital and I was in the car with Steve and Adam on the way home in minutes! I wasn't sick and I wasn't dizzy. The pain wasn't really 'pain' but aching. Not at all what I expected!!

 

 

The day started early - at 0130 Steve called and asked me to open the door. I'm thinking he went to the car and locked himself out. When I opened the door it took a minute to register what I was seeing...it was ADAM! I was so surprised!!! I hugged him and hugged him and hugged them both. Now, I knew I could relax and go into the day with vigor! We stayed up and talked a little bit and I explained what I knew about the cancer thus far.

 

Joe, Natalia and I left for the hospital at 0545 and arrived right at 0700 (as instructed) for intake. Nothing lengthy, I gave the surgical waiting room receptionist my name and BINGO I was checked in. No lengthy paperwork or questioning as I was expecting. We waited about a half-hour and was taken back to another room that was filled with beds, white boards, center counter area, IVs and a lot of movement by people in blue green outfits covered head to toe. I was taken to a little bed and asked a few questions and given a bottle to pee in. I wasn't there long when they asked me to go to the floor to have my pre-surgical mammogram which, in turn, was actually "Image-guided presurgery needle localization". I went into the ultrasound room and a wire was inserted into my breast to the exact area of the tumor and titanium chip. Once it was in place I had the mammogram and was wheeled back up to the busy room on floor 6. Dr. Schmit's associate, Nadia Hassan, came in to talk about the post-op meds and explain what to expect next. She said she would be working with Dr. Schmit in the OR. The doctor that started my IVs came in while Steve and Adam were in the room with me and Joe and Nat had stepped out to look for food. She was young and very sweet and asked if Steve or Adam had a problem with blood and they both said "no". As she worked my IV and had her back to them they made faux fainting gestures. The OR nurse came in (all business but very nice) and discussed her part. Dr. Schmit came in while the boys were in there and I introduced them and Adam stood up to shake his hand and called him 'sir'. Dr. Schmit shook his hand and said 'don't stand up, don't stand up' in a very pleasant voice. He asked what they did for a living and Adam said military and Steve said chef. Dr. Schmit told the story of his brother coming to eat at his house and saying the soup needed more "low notes". He isn't a chef but, rather, a foodie. We chuckled about that. He explained the surgery and removal of lymph nodes and radiation that would follow. Chemo is still on the horizon, as well. when he stepped out Stephen and Adam's expressions were like mine was when I heard all this the first time. It sinks in and makes one feel sick inside and scared. It seems treatment is barbaric and overkill. You want to say "Is this as far as we've come??" Steve said as much. He was disturbed. Adam was disturbed. I understand those thoughts and feelings. As Dr. Schmit was talking - they all came back to me, too. But having Steve and Adam there hearing it with me calmed me. I didn't have that any other time I was on the receiving end of any of the shocking news...I was alone.  

The anesthesiologist, Dr. Jason Hirsh, stepped in and explained his part and asked a few questions. He answered Adam's questions about deep tissue or disk pain in his lower back. I thought it was cool that the doctor had the conversation with him. As they were talking Dr. Schmit came back in and said it was time. They took my purse and clothes and hugged me and I told them it was going to be alright. Dr. Schmit sat in the room with me while Nadia and the anesthesiologist were making their way. We talked about the tumor and how he would extract the margins (I wanted to know if it was ball-like or how they did it). He said it was more of a slicing motion to preserve the density, basically, of the breast. He would inject a fill after he removed the outer margins and it would encourage the natural fill that takes place when a chunk is removed. I asked what he professed at UCLA and he explained that he doesn't do that. He is a professor because he takes the doctors that have been through school and teaches them as part of his practice. He will, on occasion, go to the classroom to talk about breast cancer but otherwise the Professor in his title is about research, OJT and other aspects of his involvement. When Nadia came in we talked about the earthquake we experienced a couple of days ago (epicenter Westwood - right where UCLA and the federal building are). He asked how would I feel if such a thing happened in the OR and I said "I trust your hand will stay steady" and he said "No, I run that's where Nadia takes over". We laughed about that. When the anesthesiologist came back he injected something to relax me and I told Dr. Schmit I would soon stop asking questions and he said "but, mine will begin...where's the gold bullion...I don't know why, I like the word 'bullion'" and that was the last anyone said. The three wheeled my bed into the OR just down the opposite end of the busy room and I was out.

 

I rode home with Steve and Adam - we passed the red carpet being set up at the theater "festival" off of Westwood Blvd. and there was a band playing and premier for "Divergence". They knew who the band was and had walked out there earlier to go to Starbucks. Adam posted a video of them on Facebook. I can't remember the name. If I were working I would have stayed after or gone over at lunch to be a part of it. It's cool that Steve and Adam got to see that. We stopped at the Starbucks on Santa Monica (the one I usually stop at after work) and they went in for me. The drive home was traffic clogged but not too bad once the 101 splits off. I came in and took my vitamins, iodine and iron. I watched Dance Moms with Nat and Joe while Steve and Adam looked for sushi. I took a pain pill (a milder, kinder version of Vicodin) and went to bed. Dr. Schmit will call on Friday with the results of the pathology IRT the outer margins and we'll make an appointment to see him and set up with medical oncology for chemo. Stephen and Adam both like Dr. Schmit and can't imagine anyone getting confrontational with this doctor. He is soft spoken, polite and an expert in this field. One of the most knowledgeable and seniors in UCLA.

 

Before falling asleep I had these thoughts:

 

Prayers from all over the country and Mexico went my way today. In the heart of people is goodness. My chronic cynicism has been proven wrong. Jorge was devastated by my news (I just told him) and was praying and his family in Mexico was praying the way they always do - in the church, on their knees to the Virgin de Guadalupe, a church in Tennessee was praying for me, friends of Melissa in Pittsburgh were praying for me, Jessy, Beth, Chris, were praying. Marsue and Rae wearing socks with a pink ribbon were praying, Joe's mother and sister were praying, people at work are praying and praying hard. Lanre said angels were with me. My church, anointing and praying! Ethel prayed with me the night before surgery, over the phone, and said the angels and God were ready and waiting in the OR for me. Meredith and Joe praying from Florida. Alison, Courtney, Dave Rocheleau praying. Dave Curtis praying from Maryland. My Navy buddies from Augsburg - Praying! My daughter - praying! It was then, that I realized when Jesus died on the cross, was dragged to the tomb, when the stone covered it's opening - the final slam of the tomb ignited, in all of us - every human being dead and alive and not yet living, a light from Heaven. With Jesus' death came the spirit to the soul. I imagine streams of light, like stars from Heaven racing, diving to earth entering our bodies through the crown of our head, curving to our heart and splintering throughout our bodies to the very tips of our being. Within every person on this earth, every person that once was and is deep in the dirt, every person not yet conceived there is this light. It is meant to connect us to the greater power from where it descended. My awareness is acute and I will never look at another or think of another (stranger or family) the same.