Next Stop, Radiation

NEXT STOP, RADIATION #cancer #breastcancer

 

I saw Dr. Schmit on Monday. I was listed as a, sort of, stand-by for 2:00 p.m. but was in before 2. It felt like I was seeing an old friend. I guess that's what happens when you bond over (under) surgery. I put my trust in someone to open up my body, while I am unconscious, and fix/remove what is needed. My last thought before my propafol nap was I trust you - God willing. I believed that Dr. Schmit would not let me - or my family - down. So, he walks into the room and it seemed like I had known him for years. He was very pleasant and familiar. We went over my paperwork and, to me, it seemed he was happy that he could say "the margins are clear, the lymph nodes are clear". I thought, to myself, he's happier than I am. I mentioned the her2 positive and the 2 pre-cancerous carcinomas and asked if I should be jumping for joy. He looked blank, almost. Was he thinking what's wrong with her? He said the important thing is that the margins are clear and the lymph nodes are clear. I told him I still felt like I had a gun to my head and I guess I didn't have to feel like that - he agreed. He removed the steri-tape and immediately I felt the little blisters just as I had after the biopsy. Ouch. But, the incision under my arm pit felt instantly better without the steri-tape. After the visit I asked if I could hug him and he told me not to tightly - thinking about my slightly bruised breast. I thanked him and told him I was glad he was my doctor. He told me it was a pleasure to have me as his patient. The incision is along the nipple in a crescent shape. When it is completely healed the scar will be invisible. I will see him in 6 months.

 

I scheduled the visit with Dr. Schmit because I had an appointment at 3:30 p.m. with Dr. Demanes for radiation. I had thought it was Monday, turns out it was for Tuesday! But, they, kindly scheduled me for Monday at 4:30. I was seen by his PA and the Fellow followed by Dr. Demanes at 6:30. This is a busy man and I don't mind waiting. I know that when it is my turn he will give me due time and be thorough. I saw him, first, before my surgery to discuss options. He mentioned brachytherapy radiation and he walked me through the other options, as well. He hugged me at the end of our fist visit and said I would be all right. Through it all, I would be all right. That was an incredible thing to say and a human gesture that settles deep into the soul of someone who is afraid and unclear. There is nothing that soothes a furrowed brow more than a touch and kind word. These things I will never forget. For this visit he looked at the cavity in the right breast via ultrasound in the exam room and was pleased with what he saw. All the margins he needed were there AND Dr. Schmit left the porch lights on for him (titanium clips to help guide the radiation implant). Dr. Demanes was very happy with the titanium clips and said he was going to have to give Dr. Schmit a gold star! It was very cool to witness such teamwork in my healthcare. I qualify for the less invasive radiation treatment; brachytherapy/SAVI. Someone will notify me when the insurance has approved the procedure and I will, then, return to have a CT scan and prep for the procedure. The radiation will be twice a day - radiating the implant, for five days. Then, on to chemotherapy. I will see Dr. Glaspy in Porter Ranch for the chemotherapy treatment this coming Thursday. I suppose of all the treatments, it is chemo that has me most worried. I worry about the effects on my body, losing my hair and how my changes will affect those around me. I don't want to scare anyone or revolt them. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or to turn away from me. I don't want to be sick. I don't want to be weak. That is why I am going full-steam ahead with bio-identical treatment along with chemo. I want to make the rest of me stronger as chemo takes whatever it has to take away. I want to run everyday - rain or shine, heat or cold. I am determined to out-run my fears and my weak body.

 

I ask my doctors for a note to give the VA in regards to a return date. Dr. Schmit and Dr. Demanes' PA are reluctant to give an end date for treatment because it is not the way things work. The treatments overlap and blend together - it is designed that way to treat the patient in the best possible way. So, to ask one doctor to commit to a return to work date is impossible. It is impossible. But, I may lose my job because I am, as of Monday, AWOL. I have no way to enter leave into the system because I have no leave left. I can request advance sick leave or leave without pay but the system requires an end date. That end date can change and doesn't have to be written in stone but, I haven't seen a note, yet. I called the office of Dr. Demanes and left a message for the PA to send the note with estimated end date of treatment just for radiation to a fax at the VA for the HR. He is waiting for it so he can finish my paperwork, work out leave and hold my job for as long as possible. I don't know what to make of this policy. To think I could lose my job while undergoing cancer treatment makes me sick. It wreaks of impropriety and seems, somehow, illegal. I can't believe that a person, say the director or assistant director, can't override the system and make sure I have a job to come back to. I thought I was doing a great job and that I was liked and valued. I know that Larry in HR and my friend Darlene are working for me and looking out for me to the best of their ability. I am so grateful.

 

Joe and Natalia have been absolutely great! I can't ask for any more. They went with me to church on Sunday and witnessed a very powerful service! They feel the love that I feel and they know how much I have come to love my place among the congregation. Joe gets why I keep going back and why I needed what this group of people offer. For this, I will always be in debt to Darlene.

 

Natalia is home sick again today and I worry that the stress is weakening her immune system. I have noticed little changes in her, when it comes to school and I took action today. After giving my blood for labs ordered by Dr. McCann, I went to Natalia's school. I wanted to talk to her counselor but she was busy. I emailed her later in the day and told her and Natalia's teachers what was going on at home and that I was concerned for Natalia. The counselor called me and agreed that Natalia must be feeling stress and that it is compromising her immune system. The counselor and her teachers are going to look out for her and support her to the best of their ability. I am so thankful and relieved.

 

I went to the Family Christian store and bought a new study Bible for me and a teen girls Bible for Natalia. I want to read the entire Bible in one year. I'm sure this time it will hold new meaning. I have never read the Bible completely, page by page. I look forward to discovering what is written and to learning about myself as I go. I am hoping Natalia will do the same.

 

IF YOU ARE SQUEEMISH OR HAVE PROBLEMS LOOKING AT A NAKED BREAST DO NOT SCROLL ANY FURTHER. I HAVE PICTURES OF THE INCISIONS BELOW.

 

 

DR. DEMANES DR. SCHMIT

I DOWNLOADED THESE IMAGES FROM THE UCLA WEBSITE.

 

 



THE LUMPECTOMY INCISION IS PERFECT AROUND THE NIPPLE AND THE SENTINAL LYMPH NODE INCISION IS MINIMUL AND A PERFECT, SMALL, LINE THAT WILL FADE AND BE BARELY NOTICABLE.