CHEMO LOOMING
I met with Dr. Glaspy at the Porter Ranch Medical Plaza to learn more about my impending chemotherapy. The office is beautiful and tranquil. The lobby is natural colors with a flat screen on the wall playing scenes of the ocean. The far wall is glass with the appearance of tall blades of grass half-way up. The exam rooms are small but bright; lit by the large, open, windows. After meeting with the doctor he showed me the chemo area and each chair/bed is individualized facing a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows. Wi-Fi provided. The nurses station is behind the chairs. It really is a relaxing and beautiful area. There is a kitchen with tea, coffee, and refreshments that are stocked at all times. I think of how my mom received chemo in NC and I cringe. I imagined I would be in the same kind of room as she was but it is completely different. I'm sure my parents had a hand in this locale. They aren't with me, but, they can guide me to places and people that calm me, almost, with the same result as if they were here, physically. It's not the same, of course, and nothing can replace them but, I am so fortunate to be where I am and getting treatment from the people and places that I do. Thankful.
But, to the appointment...Dr. Glaspy is no nonsense, encouraging, authoritative and emits a sense of trust and calm. When he looked at me with his dead steady gaze and said "you are going to be okay", I believed him. His eyes are blue like my dad's. Joe was in the room with me and once he began interjecting my stomach dropped. He began by telling Dr. Glaspy that we were seeing a holistic doctor in Torrance and that we were in the middle of testing for hormone imbalance. I stopped him and talked about the thyroid treatment I would be getting; changing from synthroid to armor thyroid. That I would be taking vitamins and minerals to boost what is lagging. He said he is okay with all of it. Then Joe started again with the hormone treatment - which I NEVER agreed to while going through chemo - there is hormone treatment while on Herceptin. The doctor told him that he was not okay with me being treated with any hormone treatment at all while on chemo. Then Joe went into iodine. The doctor said "what about it". Joe started talking about treating breast cancer with iodine and talking about doctors that have found iodine helps breast cancer and Dr. Glaspy said there was no scientific evidence, no peer reviewed journal that indicated there were positive results for treating breast cancer with iodine. Joe argued that there was, "there are books and.." the doctor cut him off and said "anyone can write a book but that doesn't make it true". He explained that peer review means that other professionals have examined the evidence, tested the evidence and reported on it. I felt bad for Joe in this moment because he didn't know that or hadn't considered that while doing all of his research. Do I think there is some truth to iodine deficiencies? Yes. Can iodine treat breast cancer? No. I don't believe that and that is why Joe's mad scientist ideology scared me. Was he going to pressure me to leave and take iodine for treatment? I would never do that but, I didn't know how far he would go to apply pressure; would he take me off of his health insurance? Tell me to leave? I didn't know - especially, after the way he reacted in the early days of finding out I had cancer. He chose that moment to tell me he wasn't the guy for me. So, there he was going at Dr. Glaspy for answers or agreement - if Dr. Glaspy doesn't agree than there is going to be harsh words about him the entire time I am in treatment. Dr. Glaspy didn't get flustered and didn't back away from this blasting by Joe. At one point the doctor stopped him and said, rather loudly, "are you planning to treat her breast cancer with iodine?" Joe stammered and started saying something and the doctor stopped him, "It's a yes or no question; are you planning on treating her breast cancer with iodine?". Joe said "yes". The doctor asked "how much?" and Joe told him. He responded "that won't hurt her". He was making a point - don't try to be the doctor you may hurt her and not help her at all! Dr. Glaspy told Joe that if he insisted on estrogen treatment right now that it would, in fact, be terrible for me and my recovery. To end it the doctor said to Joe "you and I don't have to agree on that, let's get back to what we are going to do to treat Heather's cancer". I can't imagine what these doctors must think of Joe's insistent interference. It completely shocked me that he brought up McCann and told him we were going to get hormone treatments! I had, specifically, told Joe we would address hormones later - much later. I can't believe he's still trying to control my health care without me in agreement! I am grateful to have found Dr. McCann and to address my thyroid issues as well as getting me the best vitamins and minerals possible. I thought we were on the same page. How devastating. When we left the office Joe acted like nothing was amiss. He got in the car and said something like "when working for a corporation or large company you can't admit to certain things and you don't know and is calling on his college lessons." OH MY GOD! I stopped him and said "it's not that he doesn't know, he obviously knows! He talked to you about iodine, he told you cancer wasn't isolated to the Western world, he is aware of bio-identics and hormone treatment - he knows! He just isn't convinced there is any merit to any of it because he does know medicine and he does know cancer and he obviously knows much more than what he learned in college". Why was I having this argument?? Really?? I took a deep breath and thanked God for Dr. Glaspy, Dr. Schmit and Dr. Demanes. I breathed deep and took heart in my health care and God. I watched the blue sky as we drove home and thanked God for the beautiful day.
Natalia was called into the counselor's office today and she texted me afterward; "I really needed that with my counselor" I said "GOOD" and she responded "I'm not doing PE. I just don't feel like it today. But its okay. I haven't cried so much in a long time about something really serious". I wanted to cry, too. I know she has been trying to be tough and put my cancer in a box to be opened at a later date. But she's been eating too much junk food, insisting on things that she hasn't eaten in a long, long time, slacking on homework and expressing a dislike for school, coming down with colds frequently and sleeping a lot. I know she was struggling - she still is. She will struggle with this until she is dead. This will, sadly, never leave her memory. I asked her to help me wear scarves and wraps when I lost my hair. I told her that she is so fashionable and creative that I believe she can help me wear scarves in a way that would be pretty and fashionable. She said she would.
I am glad that I can go back to work after radiation treatment. I will be out for two days (Thursday and Friday) every 3 weeks for chemo and the immune booster shot. I will lose my hair 3 weeks after the first dose. The first 4-6 treatments will be the most critical and the toughest on my body. I will have 4 treatments and we will see how my body is tolerating them and then, if I am doing well, we will do 2 more just like it. Herceptin for a solid year. I have prescriptions to fill before I start my first chemo treatment. I can work as long as I can work unless the chemo keeps me from doing so. After the first 6, harder, treatments my hair will grow back. I can do this. I am getting my eliptor on Tuesday so, on the days that I can't jog, I will elipt! Let's get this party started!!
But, to the appointment...Dr. Glaspy is no nonsense, encouraging, authoritative and emits a sense of trust and calm. When he looked at me with his dead steady gaze and said "you are going to be okay", I believed him. His eyes are blue like my dad's. Joe was in the room with me and once he began interjecting my stomach dropped. He began by telling Dr. Glaspy that we were seeing a holistic doctor in Torrance and that we were in the middle of testing for hormone imbalance. I stopped him and talked about the thyroid treatment I would be getting; changing from synthroid to armor thyroid. That I would be taking vitamins and minerals to boost what is lagging. He said he is okay with all of it. Then Joe started again with the hormone treatment - which I NEVER agreed to while going through chemo - there is hormone treatment while on Herceptin. The doctor told him that he was not okay with me being treated with any hormone treatment at all while on chemo. Then Joe went into iodine. The doctor said "what about it". Joe started talking about treating breast cancer with iodine and talking about doctors that have found iodine helps breast cancer and Dr. Glaspy said there was no scientific evidence, no peer reviewed journal that indicated there were positive results for treating breast cancer with iodine. Joe argued that there was, "there are books and.." the doctor cut him off and said "anyone can write a book but that doesn't make it true". He explained that peer review means that other professionals have examined the evidence, tested the evidence and reported on it. I felt bad for Joe in this moment because he didn't know that or hadn't considered that while doing all of his research. Do I think there is some truth to iodine deficiencies? Yes. Can iodine treat breast cancer? No. I don't believe that and that is why Joe's mad scientist ideology scared me. Was he going to pressure me to leave and take iodine for treatment? I would never do that but, I didn't know how far he would go to apply pressure; would he take me off of his health insurance? Tell me to leave? I didn't know - especially, after the way he reacted in the early days of finding out I had cancer. He chose that moment to tell me he wasn't the guy for me. So, there he was going at Dr. Glaspy for answers or agreement - if Dr. Glaspy doesn't agree than there is going to be harsh words about him the entire time I am in treatment. Dr. Glaspy didn't get flustered and didn't back away from this blasting by Joe. At one point the doctor stopped him and said, rather loudly, "are you planning to treat her breast cancer with iodine?" Joe stammered and started saying something and the doctor stopped him, "It's a yes or no question; are you planning on treating her breast cancer with iodine?". Joe said "yes". The doctor asked "how much?" and Joe told him. He responded "that won't hurt her". He was making a point - don't try to be the doctor you may hurt her and not help her at all! Dr. Glaspy told Joe that if he insisted on estrogen treatment right now that it would, in fact, be terrible for me and my recovery. To end it the doctor said to Joe "you and I don't have to agree on that, let's get back to what we are going to do to treat Heather's cancer". I can't imagine what these doctors must think of Joe's insistent interference. It completely shocked me that he brought up McCann and told him we were going to get hormone treatments! I had, specifically, told Joe we would address hormones later - much later. I can't believe he's still trying to control my health care without me in agreement! I am grateful to have found Dr. McCann and to address my thyroid issues as well as getting me the best vitamins and minerals possible. I thought we were on the same page. How devastating. When we left the office Joe acted like nothing was amiss. He got in the car and said something like "when working for a corporation or large company you can't admit to certain things and you don't know and is calling on his college lessons." OH MY GOD! I stopped him and said "it's not that he doesn't know, he obviously knows! He talked to you about iodine, he told you cancer wasn't isolated to the Western world, he is aware of bio-identics and hormone treatment - he knows! He just isn't convinced there is any merit to any of it because he does know medicine and he does know cancer and he obviously knows much more than what he learned in college". Why was I having this argument?? Really?? I took a deep breath and thanked God for Dr. Glaspy, Dr. Schmit and Dr. Demanes. I breathed deep and took heart in my health care and God. I watched the blue sky as we drove home and thanked God for the beautiful day.
Natalia was called into the counselor's office today and she texted me afterward; "I really needed that with my counselor" I said "GOOD" and she responded "I'm not doing PE. I just don't feel like it today. But its okay. I haven't cried so much in a long time about something really serious". I wanted to cry, too. I know she has been trying to be tough and put my cancer in a box to be opened at a later date. But she's been eating too much junk food, insisting on things that she hasn't eaten in a long, long time, slacking on homework and expressing a dislike for school, coming down with colds frequently and sleeping a lot. I know she was struggling - she still is. She will struggle with this until she is dead. This will, sadly, never leave her memory. I asked her to help me wear scarves and wraps when I lost my hair. I told her that she is so fashionable and creative that I believe she can help me wear scarves in a way that would be pretty and fashionable. She said she would.
I am glad that I can go back to work after radiation treatment. I will be out for two days (Thursday and Friday) every 3 weeks for chemo and the immune booster shot. I will lose my hair 3 weeks after the first dose. The first 4-6 treatments will be the most critical and the toughest on my body. I will have 4 treatments and we will see how my body is tolerating them and then, if I am doing well, we will do 2 more just like it. Herceptin for a solid year. I have prescriptions to fill before I start my first chemo treatment. I can work as long as I can work unless the chemo keeps me from doing so. After the first 6, harder, treatments my hair will grow back. I can do this. I am getting my eliptor on Tuesday so, on the days that I can't jog, I will elipt! Let's get this party started!!
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