Physical Pain Subsides...

FINALLY, SOME RELIEF

 

It is mid-day and I, finally, have some relief. It isn't anything I did or didn't do, but, some of my aches are lessoning. The joints and mid-bone pain is much less. My stomach is calming down and my insides aren't writhing in agony. Food is still, mostly, tasteless and runs through me. I feel a little stronger and clearer of mind.

 

 

I told Natalia I will talk to her after school. I want her completely aware of what she is doing and how Joe is manipulating her. Then, if she, truly, doesn't feel the need to care about what's happening to me then that will be that. I won't bug her about it anymore. I know that being a self-absorbed teenager will be a tough memory to live with. She'll always look back at how she dismissed me during my hour of need and she will mourn. No matter what anyone says to her to let her know that it's 'in the past' or 'she was young' she will always feel bad about it. I don't want that for her. I don't want her to need someone at sometime in her life and no one will be there - I worry about things coming around. I want her to always be loved and looked after. But, if she continues turning into Joe she is headed into a life of heartache.

 

I don't know if Joe read the letter I left him (he didn't say) but, he said "good morning, how are you feeling?" He warmed some chicken noodle soup (homemade) for me and asked if the Benadryl he bought was the right kind. On his way out he tapped my shoulder and said he'd see me tomorrow. I am grateful. He may not do this again for a long time - if ever, but, for right now I am grateful.

 

I see Dr. Glaspy at 1630 and we'll see about work. I have to ask him why I'm bleeding so heavily right now and my breasts are in pain - a full-blown menstrual cycle on steroids. I'll ask him about vitamins, too. 

 

Jorge dropped a few dollars on the card...I am so thankful to him!!

 

I am thankful to my church family. Without their support and compassion I would be alone with God. I would rather share the word and love of God. He is alive and working between us and with us and for us. I feel him more evidently when He is part of a discussion. Jesus I feel in my darkest, loneliest moments and within the deepest shadows. Sprits surround me and are easily found when I need. I know, in that sense, I am never alone - But God did not intend such an existence. He is within all of us and intended that we compliment and fulfill one another while we are earthbound. To love one another, and ourselves, for the spirit we possess - Godlike.