Herceptin is NOT chemotherapy

 

 

THAT'S IT? THAT WAS CHEMO?

 

I have to clarify because I can't believe it myself. I was under the impression that I was going to be in "chemo" for a year. But, as Dr. Glaspy informed me yesterday; chemo is over! I went in to have my Herceptin infusion and, afterwards, visit with the doctor. He came into the exam room and after asking how I was doing said "how's it feel to be done with chemo?". I said, "great!, but...Herceptin isn't chemo?" and that's when he told me that it wasn't a chemotherapy drug and that's why my hair is growing back, my skin looks better and I am not having the harsh side-effects that I was having before. Herceptin is a monoclonal antibody. The pill, Tamoxifen, is a hormone drug. Chemo is done. When I left the office and walked to Ralphs I, just, kept saying that was chemo? Chemo is over? If I had understood that when I had had my last infusion I would have made a bigger deal of it being over!! We discussed, briefly, my ankles and feet; they are swollen beyond recognition most of the time. Dr. Glaspy said they were "Taxotere ankles" and that they would return to normal in a few months. He knows that they can be pain painful but assures me it's all expected.

 

I went on my 2nd run (if you can call it that) today. I was able to jog a little farther today than I did the last time. It started out like the first run and I cried a little bit from the pain and sluggishness of my body. But, it passed quickly - thank you, Marshall Mathers. The knee braces that I purchased after the last run work great! My knees did not hurt during or after the run. I snapped a picture of Puppy as she greeted me home.

 

 

My hair is growing back, noticeably, now. I am including a picture of my head and my right breast. The scars are healing nicely - the incision made by Dr. Schmit to remove the tumor has healed to, near, obscurity. As has the incision he made to remove the lymph node. The incision made by Dr. Demanes is not as obscure; the small cut is obvious. But, there were no stitches to close the wound when the SAVI was removed so, the healing has been different. There, also, appears to be tiny poc marks on the skin of the breast around the area of the SAVI. I don't know what that is but, Dr. Schmit didn't take note of it so it must be okay.

 

I am on an abbreviated work schedule, now. Monday and Friday off so I am able to rest. In fact, I'm ready for a nap right now! Whew! I am so tired all the time.

 



 

 

 

STUFF...

Sometimes there is no better way to say it...stuff:

     I DID get to the garage, after all. What an intimidating task! But, I played Madonna's "Die Another Day" mix on the CD player and went to work. I managed to re-pack, stack, move, remove, unpack, throw away, and sort for 3 hours. I needed help getting the head board and foot board up the steps (I'm going to paint them white and use them in my room). I asked Joe to help with the side rails as spiders had taken up residence all around. He obliged without a complaint. He looked all around the garage for the other side rail and, nothing! Hopefully, it's in storage.
     I felt fine at the end of the day. A little sore in my lower back - I have had trouble with this part of my back since starting chemo and, now, with the Tamoxifen, it's, likely, not going away.

     It dawned on me, yesterday, that I should have been keeping a written account of my weight and blood pressure. My weight dropped steadily from my first visit to Dr. Schmit through my first 2 rounds of chemo. Then, it slowed and steadied until the first run to the emergency room, at which, time my weight plummeted 10 pounds. Throughout the other 4 rounds of the cocktail chemo my weight bounced around those last 10 pounds. Since starting my treatment of Herceptin, only, with the Tamoxifen pill my weight has held steady; 20 pounds down from pre-cancer body. I am 182 pounds. I have had battled Hashimotos Hypothyroidism for about 14 years and struggled to control my weight. I lost weight, in the past, by eating, almost, nothing and exercising 3 to 4 hours a day. I could maintain that plan because I was living, alone, with Natalia and working for the newspaper, freelance. I dropped her off at school and went for a brisk 2-hour walk along the waterfront in Washington, North Carolina. I picked her up from school and worked out on the Total Gym for 2 hours. We ate salmon for dinner and fruit as a snack. I cut out anything and everything with sugar - that eliminated much! I tried adding palates after dinner and fell asleep positioning for the plank maneuver. I laugh at that memory. But, with all of that I was the weight I am now. When Natalia and I moved here I started jogging around Lake Balboa every day after dropping her off at school. I dropped another 10 pounds. Then, I went back to school - Pierce College. My exercising took a back seat and, by then, Joe was driving me crazy with criticism. He has always told me I am beautiful but, he was, excessively, pointing out every flaw, real or imagined. Poking, pinching and constantly obsessing about my weight, "when am I gonna see the girl I met in 1979?", he would say. It got to be too much. I shut down, all together. I, guess, I felt if what I'm doing isn't enough why am I working so hard? Needless to say I regained the weight. When I finished school (2, great, years at Pierce and 2 online with Ashford University) I went to work at the VA as Non Paid Work Experience through Voc Rehab (Part of the Chapter 31 that I went to school under). I, almost, didn't take it because I felt so horrible about how I looked. And I did look bad! I felt so bad about myself because of being so ripped apart emotionally that it began to turn my appearance into something terrible. I didn't have any clothes to wear to work except for 2 outfits I managed to buy for myself when I worked as an Inspector at the voting polls. Otherwise, I hadn't bought anything for myself in years - nothing that I had from my newspaper days fit. I was embarrassed but, I went to work. No make-up, my hair - oh my hair! It was down to my waist and I asked Natalia to cut it to my shoulders...she did and then I chopped at the bangs and sides..it was sooooo horrible! But, I went as a NPWE, getting paid a stipend, only, and hoped I could go unnoticed.
     Anyway, my weight is an issue! After all that blabbering, I just did!
     My blood pressure has been high and low. With weight gain it's higher. Working at the VA, it is higher. When I go to a doctor appointment on a day that I don't go to work my blood pressure is, usually, around 125/76. It's been as low as 113/76. On a working day it's, usually, 154/84. The entire time I was off of work it was, consistently, 120-130. When it gets to the 154 range I notice my heart beats laboriously and I have palpitations.
     My feet and ankles swell unbelievable at times. Dr. Glaspy told me they would do that for another few months.
     The hot flashes seem to have amped up a bit with the start of Tamoxifen. I'm less embarrassed by it at work, now. Everyone around me is aware of what I go through. So, when I whip out my hand fan or turn the electric fan on high, everyone knows why.
     I opened the latest issue of US magazine and there is a two-page product plug, 'USbeauty' and all of the items purchased support breast cancer research, mammograms, etc. I love finding things like this! Some of the products look like they have been developed for breast cancer patients, as well; mineral hand cream by Ahava, dry shampoo by Bumble and Bumble (great for those SAVI radiation days if you can't make it to a salon), wrinkle smoothing day crème by Elemis, Jergens cherry-scented lotion in a bottle that last for months (during chemo) and Avon's evening gel-cream packs. I want to try them all. Then, there are the products that, simply, support the cause but don't, really, fit the cancer patient; tweezers (most eyebrows fall out) and nail polish (we have to keep our nails free of polish during chemo to monitor discoloration, etc.). What, really, caught my eye is the rose-gold plated charm on a Swarovski pearl bracelet: refillable fig fragrance beads. Beautiful and reasonably priced at $85. I'll put that on my Christmas wish list. :)
    Church today! I think it's the day we eat, too! I didn't make anything - oh no! I forgot!! Yikes, let me see if there's something in the fridge from the plane I can take.
     Tonight is Universal's Halloween Horror Nights! Can't wait for the Walking Dead maze!!!!!!!! I have wanted to go to this for years!!!! Woo Hoo!!
    

The First Run

SLOW AND STEADY

I went out on my first run today. I wouldn't call it a 'run' as much as a slow jog. I didn't stretch or prepare myself in any special way other than to try putting on the knee sleeves. Fail. The knee sleeve is a great idea but it felt too tight around my thigh so, I opted for nothing. I put on a pair of heavy exercise pants - they fit tight (so no jiggle!), exercise bra and t-shirt. I plugged my ears with earbuds and prepared the outdated iPod with music. I decided months ago, when I was contemplating marathon training, that Eminem would be my music to train by. So, on the ready, was Marshall Mathers LP 2. I didn't have a plan or set path so, I just started jogging once I arrived at Calgrove. I, immediately, felt a burning in my thighs and in my lungs. My breathing was labored and I felt weak. When I turned into a residential area off of Wylie Canyon I started crying. I kept jogging, but I was crying. I swiped at my tears, at first, but, after a while I just let the tears run down my face. My body was hurting and weak. My slow jog was, almost, too much for it. I kept going. I thought about the marathon I promised Adam. I thought about cancer. I thought about my body being so weak. In my ear was "Stronger Than I was". I don't know if I was sobbing loudly or not. I had the music volume up loud enough that I couldn't hear myself. I would stop crying for a while and then cry some more. For 2 miles I cried off and on. I jogged, without stop, for a little over 1 mile. Then, I alternated walking and jogging until I was back home.

After the jog I took some vitamins, drank an Ensure and headed to the Sport Chalet where I bought two types of knee braces. Then, off to CVS for ibuprofen. I wanted to come home and work on the garage but, as I type I am feeling tired. The temperature is going to be around 100 degrees today - maybe higher. When I went out to jog it was, still, cool but by 9:30 it was hot.

I need to chop some greens and make a big batch of green drink for the coming week. The batch from last week didn't last through Friday.

Dr. Glaspy signed a note that I should work a maximum of 24 hours instead of the 40 I have been working. I, really, need the break. I am exhausted all of the time. I hit snooze 3 or 4 times in the morning and find myself needing a nap by the time I arrive to work at 0600. I struggle to get through the work day and have fallen behind in my classwork. I haven't contributed to cleaning house or doing dishes in weeks. I haven't ironed clothes in weeks. My room is in disarray. I, just, don't have energy or strength. I would like to take a leave of absence from work until all of chemo is finished but, I can't afford it. Joe has yet to say to me "you should take off, don't worry, I'll help with the doctor bills and other bills you are burdened with. Your health is more important". Instead, I get "I'm tired, too". Go figure.



A piece of my jog.